It has been a very long time since I posted anything and I apologise, it has been a rough month and a half.
Without being too “woe is me”, I have just endured a break-up that has knocked me about a bit.
Possibly the hardest part is moving on, and that takes time and patience and the willingness to accept that you’re going to feel quite shitty for a while. In this case it came out of nowhere and has left me looking inwards quite a lot, blaming myself for trusting someone else so much with my happiness.
Now, usually when a friend of mine breaks up and they are slumped in their house listening to Phil Collins (and wanking, though possibly not simultaneously) I am a fan of getting them on their feet and taking them out on the piss to get them excited about being single again.
Now it has happened to me I recognise that a lot of my attempts at healing others through merriment has only a limited effect; booze and bad-behaviour only get you so far. If you’re not feeling enough without it then you’ll never feel enough with it.
In short (and I feel compelled to keep it short because I hate self-indulgence) I am hurting still, but I’m coming back up again. For a while I was as happy as I could be but it has to be a two-way street, and it never really was. I am a resilient person and sometimes you have to take the attitude of: “I tried, I couldn’t make it happen and I will learn from this.”
I’ve actually got some new developments of a more positive nature to report too:
I have, at the age of 23, purchased my first musical instrument. A soprano Ukulele.
Now, my musical skills have long been a source of amusement and shame (in equal measure) for my family and I. At the age of 9 I took up the clarinet and was given the honour (nay, the privilege) of sitting in the seat of third clarinet. As Eddie Izzard quipped: “First clarienet plays the melody, second clarinet plays the harmony and third clarient plays the notes that are left over.”
He proceeds to do a very funny mime of someone waiting a very long time for one or two notes, playing them and sitting back down again. This is almost a carbon copy of myself in the Fair Oak Junior School orchestra, except I missed the said left-over notes quite often and would put them in usually in the most inappropriate part of the song by mistake. Usually at the end.
I then attempted the trumpet, saxophone, keyboard and all with the same horrible result. I had just not grasped one very fundamental problem with all of my musical adventures: I was crap.
The drums were my first instrument in Secondary school and I loved them, I wasn’t especially good but I had rhythm and enjoyed smashing the living hell out of something twice a week. It was around this time that my best friend Simon was showing the world just how fantastic a drummer he was and so I turned to practicing with him to try and get better.
Thing is, Si had his own kit. I needed my own, too if I was planning on getting better. I asked my parents to facilitate this arrangement and I was told, in no uncertain terms, to fuck off. It was understandable, my track record with instruments was not good and the prospect of me banging away to “Enter Sandman” at night filled my Mum and Dad with dread.
It was not long after this, however that I discovered my own voice.
I’m not an especially strong or able singer, but I can hold a note and once I realised this I began singing in musicals and, later, Open Mic evenings.
The problem with singing is that, to be a vocalist you must be amazingly good to be taken seriously. If you can play an instrument adequately and hold a note however, people are far more forgiving of you being mediocre…providing you play songs they know.
So, it is with some trepidation that I announce I’ll be playing my first ukulele gig on 23rd July with a Kiwi friend of mine who is a far superior musician to me. I’ll just have to play the notes that are left over.
The final thing I would like to talk about is related more to my running.
I want to give back. I love running but the incentive isn’t there anymore to run races. It has to be for something bigger than personal record times, which is why I’m doing this http://joerunskorea.wordpress.com/
In September this year I will attempt to run four marathons in four different cities in four days.
The proceeds will go to research into Multiple Sclerosis, which is a big problem in Korea and around the world. I aim to raise as much money as possible by putting myself out there in a challenge I know not many (sane) people would attempt.
If you want to help out in any way possible email me at Joeyriles88@gmail.com, I would love to hear from you.
Signing off, time to start getting on with it all again.